85 Clever and Funny Wine Quotes for Instagram

Wine is something more than just what you drink in the evening. It can comfort you after a stressful day, it can share joy and laughter with friends and family, and most importantly, put a smile on your face.

I love drinking wine at home, out with friends or while exploring new wineries on my travels. And I love to share them with my followers on Instagram. This is why I’ve compiled this extensive list of insightful and funny wine quotes for Instagram. 

 

85 Wine Quotes Perfect for Instagram

 

Funny Wine Quotes

1. “One should always be drunk. That’s all that matters…But with what? With wine, with poetry, or with virtue, as you chose. But get drunk.” ― Charles Baudelaire

2. “I get really clumsy around wine, I seem to always spill the whole bottle down my throat.” – Unknown

3. “Doctor says to a man, ‘You’re pregnant!’ The man says, ‘How does a man get pregnant?’ The doctor says, ‘The usual way, a little wine, a little dinner….’” – Henny Youngman

4. “I like to think I’m a night person, because that’s my job, but now I’m a father of three. I’m trying to become more of a morning person. I don’t know if it will last. I have two choices, right? Either I’m bitter about getting up early, or I start drinking wine earlier and get to bed.” – Dave Matthews

5. “Anyone who tries to make you believe that he knows all about wines is obviously a fake.” ― Leon Adams, The Commonsense Book of Wine

6.”Compromises are for relationships, not wine.” – Sir Robert Scott Caywood

7. “We all need something to help us unwind at the end of the day. You might have a glass of wine, or a joint, or a big delicious blob of heroin to silence your silly brainbox of its witterings but there has to be some form of punctuation, or life just seems utterly relentless.” ― Russell Brand, My Booky Wook

8. “A glass of wine keeps the doctor away; a bottle of wine would keep everyone away. I think I’ll have a bottle.” – Unknown

9. “I’m sure wine snobs look at me and think, how dare you.” – Drew Barrymore

10. “Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink, I feel shame! Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this wine, they might be out of work, and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, ‘It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.” – Jack Handey

11. “Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.” ― Joan Collins

12. “Never, never trust anyone who asks for white wine. It means they’re phonies.” – Bette Davis

READ ALSO: Wine Tasting in Hope, BC – Canada

 

Wine & Food Quotes

13. “Drinking wine is just a part of life, like eating food.” – Francis Ford Coppola

14. “Drinking good wine with good food in good company is one of life’s most civilized pleasures.” – Michael Broadbent

15. “A gourmet meal without a glass of wine just seems tragic to me somehow.” ― Kathy Mattea

16. “I haven’t had much luck in pairing red wine with lobster.” – Jasper White

17. “I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” ― W.C. Fields

18. “I’m a big fan of a great glass of red wine and a delicious bowl of pasta made from scratch”. – Zoe McLellan

19. “White wine is like electricity. Red wine looks and tastes like a liquified beefsteak.” – James Joyce

20. “What wine goes with Captain Crunch?”― George Carlin

21. “I never taste the wine first in restaurants, I just ask the waiter to pour.” – Nigella Lawson

22. “A meal without wine is like a day without sun” – Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

READ ALSO: Trying Corsican Wine at Domaine de Terra Vecchia

 

Wine Quotes About People

23. “I can certainly see that you know your wine. Most of the guests who stay here wouldn’t know the difference between Bordeaux and Claret.” ― Basil Fawlty, “Fawlty Towers”

24. “I like on the table, when we’re speaking, the light of a bottle of intelligent wine.” — Pablo Neruda

25. “A bottle of wine begs to be shared; I have never met a miserly wine lover.” – Clifton Fadiman

26. “Wine represents to me sharing and good times and a celebration of life. It is always around happy occasions with family and friends and centered around joy. What better item to be involved in then something that represents all these wonderful things.” – Dan Aykroyd

27. “She loved three things — a joke, a glass of wine, and a handsome man.” — W. Somerset Maugham

28. “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.” – Frank Sinatra

READ ALSO: Underrated Wine Destinations Around the World

 

Wine & Wisdom Quotes

29. “Wisdom doesn’t automatically come with old age. Nothing does – except wrinkles. It’s true, some wines improve with age. But only if the grapes were good in the first place.” – Abigail Van Buren

30. “Accept what life offers you and try to drink from every cup. All wines should be tasted; some should only be sipped, but with others, drink the whole bottle.” ― Paulo Coelho

31. “Jazz is like wine. When it is new, it is only for the experts, but when it gets older, everybody wants it.” – Steve Lacy

32. “Wine is the most civilized thing in the world and one of the most natural things of the world that has been brought to the greatest perfection, and it offers a greater range for enjoyment and appreciation than, possibly, any other purely sensory thing.” – Ernest Hemingway

33. “In wine, there’s truth.” — Pliny the Elder

34. “I would like a wine. The purpose of the wine is to get me drunk. A bad wine will get me as drunk as a good wine. I would like the good wine. And since the result is the same no matter which wine I drink, I’d like to pay the bad wine price.” – Steve Martin

35. “For when the wine is in, the wit is out.” – Thomas Becon

36. “Maybe it’s because I’m getting older, I’m finding enjoyment in things that stop time. Just the simple act of tasting a glass of wine is its own event. You’re not downing a glass of wine in the midst of doing something else.” – David Hyde Pierce

37. “Of all things known to mortals, wine is the most powerful and effectual for exciting and inflaming the passions of mankind, being common fuel to them all.” – Francis Bacon

38. “Wine can be a better teacher than ink, and banter is often better than books.” – Stephen Fry

READ ALSO: Valpolicella Wine Tasting: A Great Day Trip from Verona

 

Wine & Happiness Quotes

39. “The discovery of a wine is of greater moment than the discovery of a constellation. The universe is too full of stars.” ― Benjamin Franklin

40. “Wine is the sort of alcoholic beverage that does not destroy but enriches life; does not distort but clairfies perspective; does not seduce except in a way worth humanly being seduced.” – Bill St. John

41. “I like to be home on a Friday night. I don’t go out. I don’t go to clubs. It’s not my thing. I sit at home with my glass of wine and watch hours of reality TV.” – Kaley Cuoco

42. “Wine makes daily living easier, less hurried, with fewer tensions and more tolerance.” ― Benjamin Franklin

43. “Wine rejoices the heart of man and joy is the mother of all virtues.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

44. “Nothing makes the future look so rosy as to contemplate it through a glass of Chambertin.” ― Napoleon Bonaparte

45. “I drink sherry and wine by myself because I like it and I get the sensuous feeling of indulgence…luxury, bliss, erotic-tinged.” – Sylvia Plath

46. “Sorrow can be alleviated by good sleep, a bath, and a glass of wine.” — Thomas Aquinas

READ ALSO: Discovering the Wineries in Essex, England

 

Short Wine Quotes

47. “Penicillin cures, but wine makes people happy.” ― Alexander Fleming

48. “I’m like the wine. The older I get, the better I get.” – Zlatan Ibrahimovic

49. “Life is too short to drink bad wine.” ― Unknown

50. “Language is wine upon the lips.” — Virginia Woolf

51. “I rather like bad wine; one gets so bored with good wine.” – Benjamin Disraeli

52. “Wine is bottled poetry.” — Robert Louis Stevenson

53. “Men are like wine – some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.” ― Pope John XXIII

54. “There must be always wine and fellowship or we are truly lost.” – Ann Fairbairn

55. “Wine is sunlight, held together by water.” – Galileo

56. “My only regret in life is that I did not drink more wine.” – Ernest Hemingway

57. “Nothing more excellent or valuable than wine was ever granted by the gods to man.” – Plato

58. “I shall drink no wine before it’s time! OK, it’s time.” – Groucho Marx

59. “I only drink wine on days that end with a ‘y.’ ” – Unknown

60. “I drink and I know things.” – Tyrion Lannister, Game of Thrones

61. “Either give me more wine or leave me alone.”― Rumi

62. “Wine, it’s in my veins and I can’t get it out.” – Burgess Meredith

63. “A man will be eloquent if you give him good wine.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

64. “Wine is the answer, but I can’t remember the question.” – Unknown

65. “Wine is the most healthful and most hygienic of beverages.” — Louis Pasteur

66. “Drink wine, not labels.” – Dr. Maynard Amerine

67. “Give me wine to wash me clean of the weather-stains of cares.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

68. “Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it.” ― Unknown

69. “Beer is made by men, wine by God.” ― Martin Luther

70. “I’m not a wine connoisseur, but I do like a glass or two at night.” – Diane Keaton

71. “God made water, but man made wine.” – Victor Hugo

 

Champagne Quotes

72. “Champagne is the one thing that gives me zest when I am tired.” – Brigitte Bardot

73. “Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector. It encourages a man to be expansive, even reckless, while lie detectors are only a challenge to tell lies successfully. – Graham Greene

74. “In victory, you deserve Champagne. In defeat you need it.” ― Napoleon Bonaparte

75. “My only regret in life is that I didn’t drink enough Champagne.” ― Robert Noecker

76. “Whenever I drink champagne I either laugh or cry…I get so emotional! I love champagne.” – Tina Turner

77. “Champagne is appropriate for breakfast, lunch, or dinner.” ― Madeline Puckette

 

More Funny Wine Quotes

78. “Someone said drink the water, but I will drink the wine. Someone said take a poor man, the rich don’t have a dime. Go fool yourself, if you will, I just haven’t got the time. I’ll give you back your water, and I will take the wine.” – Frank Sinatra

79. “Wine is a living liquid containing no preservatives. Its life cycle comprises youth, maturity, old age and death. When not treated with reasonable respect it will wicken and die.” – Julia Child

80. “I love everything that’s old — old friends, old times, old manners, old books, old wine.” — Oliver Goldsmith

81. “I like all paintings. I always look at the paintings, good or bad, in barbershops, furniture stores, provincial hotels. I’m like a drinker who needs wine. As long as it is wine, it doesn’t matter which wine.” – Pablo Picasso

82. “Wine has been a part of civilized life for some seven thousand years. It is the only beverage that feeds the body, soul and spirit of man and at the same time stimulates the mind…” – Robert Mondavi

83. “Wine makes a man more pleased with himself, I do not say that it makes him more pleasing to others.” – Samuel Johnson

84. “Most of the confidence which I appear to feel, especially when influenced by noon wine, is only a pretense.” – Tennessee Williams

85. “Now wines are wonders; great wines are magical; and winemakers are mad. Like horse fanciers, they are always trying to improve the breed.”  – William E. Massee

 

There you have it, 85 funny wine quotes that are perfect for Instagram. Which will you be using for your next Instagram post?

 

 

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